Monday, September 8, 2014

Marriage is Difficult

Today's post is a bit different from the norm. One of our all-time favorite brides, Kady, shared a great story for our latest Benfield Weddings magazine that was just TOO good (and important) not to share on the blog as well. Take it away, Kady!

Kady, here - proud Benny Bride circa May 2k13. And I’m writing this lovely little piece for the fabulous Benny mag as a veteran bride. That’s right, a veteran. Because I’ve officially passed the one year mark. And that, my friends, is something worth celebrating.

“Foggy.” If I could pick one word to describe the first year of marriage, I think that would be most appropriate. Foggy. Fog. Who likes fog? No one, right? Your visibility is diminished, your vision left obscured. You’re usually struggling to see beyond it to get where you’re going. Yep, I’d say this is fairly reflective of the first year of marriage. Coming down from the clouds is majorly hard, people. A slap back to reality that no bride wants or sees coming after months of wedding planning and honeymoon highs. This is when the fog comes in.... as the fog is what lies below the clouds.
Let’s face it, people. Marriage isn’t easy. But honestly, the toughest part about it for me was how difficult it was to actually admit it. Because NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT. Well, most people don’t. It’s like there’s this terrible stigma that exists with actually admitting that your life isn’t this perfect facade that is portrayed through your Instagram feed and Pinterest boards. But the bonding and laughter I’ve shared with friends and fellow wives after discussing this ridiculous fact is the very reason I am sharing this with all of you.

The fog that lies below the clouds equates to the months of adjusting that you do as you truly begin your lives together. There were times early (like way early) in our marriage that we both could have given up, thrown the towel in, and/or walked out. The total pits. And how, as a new bride, could I admit these struggles to anyone? When literally everyone in your life is constantly asking you how the “honeymoon phase” is going. I was totally certain we were the only 2 people who were experiencing this “fog” because (like I mentioned earlier) NO ONE discusses these things. Well, let me clarify... no newlyweds seem to discuss these things. But the truth is, marriage changes things. In a way that’s really hard to put into words or even truly understand yourself. And I’m here to tell you that EVERYONE struggles. Everyone. And it’s completely normal. Healthy. 100%.

We all need to do ourselves a favor and help end this ridiculous newlywed stigma. I hope reading this helps you in some way or another - whether it helps your adjustment from the clouds to the fog a little easier - or whether it gives you the courage to get rid of the pressure to portray perfection. Put on your comfy, baggy, let’s-be-real clothes and don’t be afraid to admit when things aren’t going so great.
There were many times I wondered if we would fail. But we didn’t. We haven’t. And we won’t. Marriage isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. It’s work. It’s hard work. But it’s also beautiful. The beauty of our relationship and how it has grown through marriage is unlike anything I’ve ever known. We work on things together. We work on ourselves together. Because beyond the fog that comes after the clouds lies the clear open road on which you’ll take your life journey together.

*I majorly have to thank my husband for supporting me and our marriage - in the good times & the bad. Tyler, as I sit here and look back on this year we’ve officially survived, I am wholly confident of one thing: I was made for you - made for you to love, protect, forgive, encourage and lead. I am proud of you. Proud to be your wife. And even more proud of us. Happy one year to you - a year majorly worth celebrating. Here’s to another sixty, love.

**And I definitely should brag on Dale & Mere because they’re the most amazingly talented, kind-hearted and beautiful photographers, friends & couples around. And they helped us celebrate our first year with some pretty spectacular portraits.

Alaska Proposal; The Time I Almost Blew It.

Hey everybody! Did you ever know something 100% in your heart, but you almost screw it up?  So goes the story of my proposal to Tyler. ...